In The Beginning
In The Beginning…
My epilepsy journey began in December of ‘08. I was a newlywed of 4 months! My husband had gone off to work and I awoke early excited to get started on my Christmas shopping! Grinning ear to ear with ideas of presents swirling throughout my mind, I got ready and jumped in my car and began to drive to a nearby store to start my day. I’d taken this route many times. Passing a beautiful field secured by a wooden fence. Tall trees off in the distance… You could see the morning dew glistening off the blades of grass. Like countless diamonds sprinkled throughout. I remember smiling because I loved morning. I loved the sunshine. I loved being alive. On the opposite side, were homes nestled beside one another. Thoughts of one day owning a home… starting a family… maybe even a dog! Not now. But one day…As I turned down one road..then another, a strange feeling came over me. Then everything flashed and blanketed WHITE. Every muscle in my body weakened in an instant. I knew something was wrong. I had just enough strength to slip my foot over to the break but not enough strength to push down. I remember thinking JESUS…GOD..just before I blacked out. Unconsciously, I had driven through one front yard, jumped two concrete curbs and collided into a pine tree in the 2nd front yard. Thank God I had decided, just as I had always decided, to wear a seat belt that morning. Whiplash was my only physical injury.
When I awoke, I found myself strapped to a gurney in an ambulance where I was told that I was involved in a car accident. Being told that alone, made me pass out a second time for just a few seconds. When I came to, I asked them to call my husband and hurry! I was scared…and alone…and confused.. and I PRAYED that this was all a bad dream and that I was still asleep in my bed at home. But this “Bad Dream” wasn’t ending anytime soon. It just kept going.
I was soon informed and diagnosed as having epilepsy. Caused by a Cavernous Malformation on the left side of my brain. Something that was inoperable. Something that I would have to be medicated for, for the rest of my life. Every emotion possible spun through me round and round. I cried…and I laughed at the realization….cried again…Became angry and bitter. “Why me? Why now? What’ve I done to deserve this?” Many times I cried to my husband telling him that he should just divorce me and find someone better. Someone healthier…And the response was stronger hugs, solid vows to never leave my side. It was a relief..but my soul felt shattered and broken.
This was my life now. My brand new path to take. A seizure or two a day. New dosages of medicine. A blood test here and there. Picking myself up when I fell down depressed and feeling lost and confused. I knew that life would never be the same again. (Ha, writing this right now actually gets me a little emotional) It took me a very long time. A lot of tears. A lot of anger and resentment towards myself. A lot of prayer most of all.
I made a decision. I wasn’t going to let this condition destroy my life. Hold me back. Tell me how to live. I was tired of feeling sad. Tired of hiding myself away. Tired of not living! Surely there’ve got to be others out there that feel like I do! That live like I do! Sufferers, husbands, wives, mothers fathers, friends…. And I was determined to find them and do something powerful. Something inspirational!
So as of August 2011, I created “The Epilepsy Network (TEN)” on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube. In search of these people, such as I. To learn from each other. To cope with each other. To learn to live again. To learn to laugh..smile…see the good in life again. To band together to find a cure for this condition!
I started my journey broken and distraught. And now I travel pieced back together stronger than ever. I was wrong to think this condition was a burden . I shouldn’t have been asking “Why me? Why now?” Its more like “Why not me? Why not now?” This condition is a gift. A blessing in disguise.
Its a journey I’m very excited to take. Whatever trials come my way, my arms are open. And a smile shines upon my face. Should I fall, I’ll be sure to stand back up, dust myself off and keep on going.
Visit The Epilepsy Network (TEN)!
Be sure to visit “The Epilepsy Network (TEN)” on Facebook, Twitter and Youtube!