5 Things to Remember When Being a Spouse with Epilepsy

I’m nowhere near the perfect wife, but I do know that marriage with a chronic illness is challenging, and takes intentional effort.

The Epilepsy Condition

Living with epilepsy and learning to manage the condition is not only challenging, it can be overwhelming at times. The trials that we face can range from living a chaotic life, living with uncertainty as to when the next seizure or flare up could occur, to finding the exact cause in order to accept it and then to determining the right combination of medication and therapy to manage your condition. The medical professional that you work with is part of your treatment plan too. Managing this is something not to be taken lightly.

With all of that, and then handling bills, the household and your partner’s needs. Then to ensure to nurture your marriage?

I’m nowhere near the perfect wife, but I do know that marriage with a chronic illness is challenging, and takes intentional effort.

The Spouse

We can all agree that no relationship is perfect, let’s be honest here. When a chronic illness wedges its way into a relationship, it puts both parties to the test. Those wedding vows come into play. Some days are wonderful, others are bearable and sometimes it feels hardly possible. For some, on good days couples work as a team to take on the challenge of the chronic illness that has made itself unwelcome. There are so many trials as a couple taking on epilepsy, and being the individual living with that condition can be somewhat stressful.

Just as we who are diagnosed with a chronic illness have needs in order to get through our challenges, overcome our struggles, our spouses have needs too. They may not be diagnosed with a chronic illness but their love, care and devotion is a meaningful and valued contribution given continuously.

5 Things To Remember:

1. Your spouse is not your enemy.

Having a chronic illness is not easy. It’s not new news. There are good days, there are bad days and there are down-right awful days. It is never an excuse to dump your anger or frustration out on your spouse who loves and cares for you. Negative emotions don’t make situations any easier or better. Instead, try having a sit-down open conversation. Express your thoughts and feelings.

2. Your spouse is not your crutch.

Don’t put your spouse in a position where they feel obligated to take responsibility for your health and well-being. This is the same as adding an additional task onto their workload which is not fair. Be responsible and take your medication on time, every time. Don’t make them continuously remind you to take your medication.

3. Your spouse is not invincible.

Your spouse may take care of you physically and emotionally. Your rock when you feel weak. But they too need love, care and support. They are not the only ones struggling. When one partner is living with a chronic illness, the other is living with it too. Take the time to ask how they are doing. To ask what you can do to make it easier for them. To offer comfort and assurance.

4. Your spouse does not want to talk epilepsy/chronic illness 24/7

Yes, of course our diagnosis’ are extremely important. It is in a category of things of highest matter. However, there is so much more to life and it being the 3rd wheel in the relationship can become like a splinter in the finger. Make sure to nourish the relationship and live though the condition resides in your life. Don’t allow your chronic illness to take center stage of the entirety of your days and relationship.

5. Use your experience in creating a ‘new normal’ to encourage your spouse to make new and positive changes in their lives.

Part of the journey of epilepsy or any chronic illness is understanding your condition and triggers. Eliminating all that is non-beneficial in your life and adopting new, healthy habits into your life. You need to understand your body and what it truly needs. You can use these new and beneficial changes to teach them to analyze their health and make the decision to take better care.

Whether you are a husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend or even still searching for that right one. In what ways are you ensuring to nurture your relationship despite epilepsy being part of the equation?